Nitpicky Star Wars Nerds

The Star Wars Blurays are out. I’m not getting them. And not because Darth yells “Nooooooo” or because Greedo shoots first (or whatever). Simply, I’ve seen them enough times now. I’m done. No, not done in that smug, grown-up “Star Wars is for kids” kind of way, trust me I’m as juvenile as ever. I still love lightsabers, I giggle like a schoolgirl whenever someone says “titmouse”, and I listen to the Mega Man 2 soundtrack on repeat. I’m right down with you nerds. I’m just at a point where I’m thinking it’s perhaps time to throw my love on something else.

The amount of energy spent by the Star Wars fan community discussing the Bluray edits is astounding. One fan (or several, I wasn’t paying attention) is taking it upon himself to restore the “non special edition” of Star Wars in HD:

Note how R2s hologram is actually white in the original version, vs. slightly bluish in the “enhanced” version. I totally cancelled my Bluray preorder when I saw this. George Lucas, you ruined my childhood!

That would be me if not for the fact that I discovered other sci-fi television. Turns out, if you have 400 hours to spare, instead of restoring the original version of Star Wars to HD, you could watch every episode of Star Trek ever made! Think about that for a moment.

Don’t get me wrong, Star Wars was good. Especially Empire. That whole Cloud City thing was way better than what they did in Star Trek. Here’s Cloud City:


And this is Stratos from “The Cloud Minders”:


Still, once you’ve seen Cloud City, you’ve seen Cloud City (that is to say, once you’ve seen Cloud City in all three four versions, you’ve seen Cloud City — but don’t worry if you haven’t, they’re pretty much the same save for a tibanna gas refinery). And say what you will about Star Trek, but that Kirk got down with the ladies, even green ones. And not one of them were his sister!

You could also get into Buck Rogers (just pretend season 2 never happened). Listen to them crunchy grooves:

But wait, there’s more. Here’s Erin Grey as Col. Wilma Deering:


… and let’s not forget Pamela Hensley as the evil Princess Ardala. Always trying to score with Buck. Silly girl, didn’t she know Buck preferred good girls? And damsels in distress? And Amazon Women? Occasionally bad girls. But not Ardala! Except of course when he was brainwashed, but that’s another story:


That may not be a metal bikini, but it sure deserves being restored in HD more than the original Star Wars does.

Next time you get an irresistable urge to spend 400 hours on restoring Star Wars to the way it was meant to be, consider if maybe that time was better spent watching Star Trek or Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (season 1). You could also watch Space 1999. Or UFO. Or even the original Battlestar Galactica — heck, any Glen A. Larson show. You could even watch Patrick Duffy as The Man From Atlantis! Patrick Duffy! (It’s all in this pamphlet).

You must do what you feel is right, of course. But sometimes we must let go of our pride and do what is requested of us. It all starts with a choice. A choice to spend your credits not on more Star Wars. Instead, roll up your blinds and let in the light! Then roll them down again and put on Buck Rogers. Season 1.

Star Trek (2009) Mini-Review

Star Trek chronicles the early adventures of James T. Kirk as he strives to find his place in the universe following the untimely death of his father at the hands of the renegade Romulan Nero.

Like the best Bond movies, Star Trek drops you square in the middle of the action, and within the first 10 minutes establishes itself as an entirely new, and exhilerating trek to the stars. As we follow George Kirks heroic last endeavours to save his wife and unborn son, we are shown that Star Trek doesn't have to be about weird foreheads, odd beeps and campy uniforms, because what matters is the human interaction. You may actually weep before the movie has even begun.

Star Trek is a triumphant reboot and sequel, all in one. It puts hamfisted Hollywood franchise restarts to shame with a plot, a cast and a story that thrills and engages, even if you're not — like I must confess myself to be — a Trekkie. Unbelievably, J.J. Abrams and his writing team Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman has managed to reinvigorate a 40 year old franchise, keeping the style and spirit intact, dropping countless squeamingly delicious references to past movies and shows. You'll see wierd foreheads and odd beeps, and cheer at it. Incredibly, even the new music by Michael Giacchino is sufficiently remeniscent of past scores, while delivering new hummable tunes.

Star Trek is a movie that should have been impossible to make. Yet here it is, and it's a masterpiece.