Transformers 2 (2009) Mini-Review

As a special team of military units and transforming alien Autobots hunt down remaining evil Decepticons on Earth, Sam Witwicky — now on his way to college — finds a shard of the robo-life-giving Allspark. As the consequences unfold, a new threat appears.

This is an incredibly stupid film. Not just fun-stupid, like Universal Soldier but wallowingly stupid like Spiderman 3 or Glitter. So the Egyptian general is called “Salaam“, is he? Really? Shouldn’t you also have called Sam Witwicky’s character John Everyman instead? If this is not an argument for 60 minute movies, I don’t know what is. The amount of scenes you could cut from this film can be measured in parsecs. Barely.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not some intellectualized attempt at pointing out the obvious shortcomings of Michael Bay movies, I actually liked the first one. Where Transformers succeeded in providing mind-numbing fun, the sequel lowers the bar on story in favor of more comedic sidekicks and  more action. Sounds good? Surprisingly, it’s not. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is almost as bad as Spiderman 3. In fact, you’d be better off watching Wrestlemania Smackdown, at least there’s a story worth following. Or you could watch House of the Dead, which is shorter, yet features the same amount of cleavage and rotating cameras.

Annoyed wasted-ticket-money-sarcasm aside, don’t watch this in the cinema, instead go watch or rewatch Star Trek, which is written by the same writing team. Or, if you are hell-bent on watching robots that talk, go watch Wall-E on the small screen; that’s simply a smarter, better and more expressive movie, even if it uses way fewer words.

What happened to you Orci and Kurtzman? You’ve changed. You used to be cool.

8 thoughts on “Transformers 2 (2009) Mini-Review”

  1. Someone says:

    Megan Fox.

    1. Joen says:

      Yeah okay, so maybe it deserves a two heart rating. Two round hearts.

    2. Rogier says:

      Megan Fox.

      Megan Fox running.

      Megan Fox running in slow motion.

      /Captain Obvious 😉

    3. Joen says:

      I find that there’s plenty of Megan Fox’s to go around in the first one.

    4. And couldn’t you see Megan Fox pining in the first one for a larger, more active role? I could see her thinking “I wanna drive the car! I wanna have the battle robot be MY guardian! I wanna save the world! (Instead of this shmuck!)

  2. preordained.self says:

    Hey Joen, Nice review.

    By the way, your words are being blatantly plagiarized by another blogger. See following link :-

    Talk about stooping LOW….

    I’ve already given her a piece of my mind.. Just figured i’d give you a head’s up.

    1. Joen says:

      Thanks for the update. I’ve also given a comment on the link you gave. Not sure there’s more I can do.

  3. Preordained.Self says:

    Hey, no problem. If someone copied my work, I’d want to know as well. Hence, I felt that I should give you a heads up. That’s all.

    And it was purely accidental, my finding it. Thanks to Google in all its infamous glory 🙂


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