Orientation: A Scientology Information Film

You are at the threshold of your next trillion years. You will live it in shivering, agonizing darkness or you will live it triumphantly in the light. The choice is yours. If you wish to leave the room after seeing this film, walk out and never mention Scientology again, you are free to do so. It would be stupid, but you are free to do it. You can also dive off a bridge, or blow your brains out; that is your choice. It is your future.

This is the closing statement of Orientation: A Scientology Information Film, which you can now view in its entirety, online. If you ever, in a moment of weakness, doubted that Scientology was a bad idea, I’d recommend you watch the movie and read up on what Scientology actually entails.

What the film entirely fails to mention is that Scientology is based on a story by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. The story tells of a “Galactic Confederacy” ruled by the dark lord Xenu who, to cope with over-population problems, brought billions of aliens to Earth in starcruisers that looked like DC-8 planes, dropped these aliens around volcanoes and then proceeded to hydrogen bomb them. According to Scientology, these lost alien souls inhabit our bodies, even today, and cause all the problems we face in life.

Instead, “Orientation” advises you buy a stacks of books, get auditing and maybe even make Scientology auditing your career.

Incidentally, L. Ron Hubbard has been quoted as saying:

The way to make a million dollars is to start a religion.

Scientology claims to have the answers, yet this orientation film seems to omit facts that are less easily sold. As such, this information gets honorable mention here: knowing is half the battle.

8 thoughts on “Orientation: A Scientology Information Film”

  1. Levi says:

    I read up one what it was about a few months ago and I honestly couldn’t stop laughing the whole day.

  2. I, for one, welcome our new Xenu overlords.

  3. Joen says:

    I actually first heard about this in South Park. Their animated short on what Xenu did is actually depicted on Wikipedia. Hilarious.

    By the way, I have to implement some kind of comment reward system. I’d give you 10 points for hilarity, James.

  4. Levi says:

    Like Digg!

    I swear it sounds like a video game;

    “Woah, just three my Audits and I’m on OT Level III, then I can learn about our evil overlord’s true plans!”

  5. ?Woah, just three my Audits and I?m on OT Level III, then I can learn about our evil overlord?s true plans!?

    Which is why it works so well of course. Same evil as World of Warcraft.

    By the way, I have to implement some kind of comment reward system. I?d give you 10 points for hilarity, James.

    Ta 🙂

  6. Joen says:

    Levi said:

    Like Digg!

    Exactly, like Digg :). Who’s up for writing a plugin?

    I swear it sounds like a video game;

    ?Woah, just three my Audits and I?m on OT Level III, then I can learn about our evil overlord?s true plans!?

    Yep, and that’s the scary part. It’s like gaining “XP” (experience points), which has an eerie appeal to it. The problem is, it’s not a game, and you only have one life.

  7. apparently someone didn’t like this video being online for all to view.

    it’s been removed from the above link location, google video, and youtube.

    i’d like to see it if anyone knows where it can still be viewed.

  8. Joen says:

    Jon,

    Very strange… when you first left that comment, I double-checked and the video still worked for me. But it does seem to have been pulled now. Sigh, Scientology and their methods.

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